A funny thing happened last night. Funny looking back – not so funny at the
time.
The power had been out all day and it was a balmy evening so
we decided to cook on the barbecue until the power came back on. The electricity people were fixing some poles
but managed to dig up the council water mains (as you do) and were a bit slow
getting the power back on.
Just after lighting the BBQ the power came back on. Yay. When
dinner was nearly ready I wandered down to the bedroom to let dearly beloved
who was with the baby know dinner would be ready soon. Whilst down there she said can you smell
something burning. I, for a laugh said “Oh
that’s just the house burning down”
Now here is a tip for the unwary – never joke about such.
On the way back outside through the kitchen I thought I would
test the smell and see if there was any substance to the burning smell or if it
was just BBQ smoke wafting through the house.
Of course I had a cold so I was a littler olfactory challenged at the
time.
Through kitchen – Yes there is a burning smell that is not
quite wood smoke. Continue on outside – No
its definitely stronger inside.
Return to kitchen – Check stove – Off, Check oven – off Check
grill On – someone must have knocked it.
Now I will pause in the telling of the story here for a
moment to give you the background to the next sequence of events. I was unaware of this background at the time
and it helps the story to tell it now as it explains what happened.
My dearly beloved, upon awakening in the morning decided to
cook for brunch, bacon and eggs. Eggs on
the stove top and bacon in the grill.
Upon turning said cooking devices on she discovered the lack of energy
to our residence was interfering with her plans for said brunch. She turned the stove off – but not the
grill. During the day the grill door was
closed. When the power came back on the
grill came back on and was heating up the grill tray which contained a quantity
of bacon fat having not been cleaned by the elves since our last bacon cooking
episode. Now back to the story.
Having discovered the grill was on – as indicated by the
little light – I decided it must have been accidentally knocked on a smidgen
during the days cleaning activities. Having
noticed a slight smell – I thought I would open the grill door to just check
what it was that was burning.
Big Mistake. At this
point in time the grill had been on for
about 20 minutes and the bacon fat was well heated to smoking point but had no
access to oxygen. When I opened the door
a huge plume of smoke poured out an oxygen poured in to the grill. About one half of a second later the whole
plate of bacon fat caught fire and leapt out the grill and started attacking
the rubber seals on the oven and a couple of the kids paintings on the cabinets
above the oven.
Brain kicked in and told me this was getting out of hand
very quickly. First reaction – call for
help. Second reaction. Hmmm need fire
extinguisher said brain left. Brain
right says we don’t have one. What do we
have says left brain. Fire blanket in
laundry behind the mountain of plastic bags we are keeping. Go grab fire blanket whilst continuing to
yell for help. Not sure what I need help
for at this stage – just know this is getting out of hand. Where the hell is this fire blanket and why
on earth do we need so many plastic bags?
At this stage youngest son manages to peel himself away from
computer games to see what dad is doing in the kitchen and why the house is now
full of thick white smoke. At this stage
I should also mention the fire alarm decided to wake up and tell me something I
already knew – the house is full of thick white smoke.
I used the fire blanket to smother the fire but it was still
so hot that renegade flames still kept poking their head out from under the
blanket to say hello. All whilst still
calling for help. Finally at this stage
with thick white smoke in the house, the fire alarm beeping continuously (rather
annoyingly I must say), dad yelling for help and youngest son being very
excited having seen a real live kitchen fire and demonstration of the use of a
fire blanket, oldest son manages to pause his game long enough to find his way to the kitchen. I have decided at this stage that cause I can’t
get the blanket all the way over the plate it needs to come out. Luckily I have a pair of grandmas industrial
grade oven mitts handy. They don’t make
them like that anymore. Eldest son – always cool in a crisis – says “what do
you want me to do”. I say open the front
door – which he does whilst I carry tray out to the front lawn with occasional flames
streaming from the plate when a waft of oxygen finds its way under the blanket.
Upon fulfilling his familial duties, eldest son then returns
to his game amidst the house full of thick white smoke, annoyingly beeping
smoke alarm, freaked out dad and excited younger brother.
He later would confide “Well I could see you had everything
under control and there was nothing left for me to do”
Well the story ends here pretty much. The fans were turned on and the building
excavated for smoke. i found out that
eucalyptus oil can clean smoke and burn marks off a glass oven front really
easily. we need a new rubber for the
grill. I got a small burn to the forearm
that should be right in a day or two.
The safety committee (beloved who stayed in bedroom
throughout and eldest daughter who also stayed in room with earphones on) did a
full review on the procedures in place and decided I should have just shut the
grill door again. Possibly they were
right, but then there would be no flames and excitement to go with this
story.
