Keeping a pet teenager – Part One

So, you went out and got yourself a cute little baby as a pet.  Before you know it, they have grown out of their nappies and evolved into a teenager.  If you take good care of your teenager, he/she will provide you with many years of fun and amusement.  But beware there are some tricks to keeping these as pets.  Knowing and understanding your pet can help to keep them and you healthy and sane.

The first thing to remember about teenagers is that they are not human.  During their teenager years they evolve into strange creature that defy normal human rules of hygene, behaviour, risk , aversion, social etiquette and speech.  Don’t be surprised if your teenager loses the ability to communicate, wash, act civil, shower, or act sensibly near cliff edges.  Remember they are invincible and cannot die.

Do not stress about any of these behaviours.  Believe me, its not you, its them.  Smile, laugh and move on.  They will move on one day too.  One day they will choose your nursing home, spoon feed you and wipe the drool from your chin.  This is a time in your life where you do not want their memories of you in their teenage brain to be unpleasant ones.

Here are a couple of examples of teenage behaviour considered abnormal in humans, but is quite common amongst the teenager. 

The first is slothfulness.

Here is my teenager sitting on a child’s chair to eat breakfast because he was too lazy to take the chair behind him off the table to sit on like a normal human. 

You will notice that his chosen mode of repose is extremely uncomfortable, liable to break the child’s chair and cause bodily injury, and probably takes more effort than taking a real chair down to sit on.  The natural reaction of a human being on observing this behaviour is to automatically point out the alternative chair readily available.  This is a mistake commonly made by owners new to keeping teenagers.  You cannot attempt to use logic on a teenager.  These rules of logic and behaviour do not apply.  If you are lucky you will escape with a few grunts followed by a bout of sullen silence.  Alternatively, he may become aggressive, argumentative, slam doors, punch holes in the wall and remind you of all your personality flaws.  The best approach to these quirky behaviours is just to learn to enjoy them.

The second is competitiveness.

Teenagers are quite competitive in unusual ways.  Each teenager will have their own special talent or skill that they excel in.  The secret to keeping your teenager happy, is to discover their unique talent, and then train, encourage and build their skills in this area.  Some teenagers have an obvious talent in something such as sports, or maths or acting.  Other teenagers may have to be observed closely for many months before you can discover their unique talent.  Don’t worry if their unique talent is not immediately apparent.  Stick to watching them and you will discover their special skill.  After many months of watching my latest teenager, it was some time before I was able to pinpoint his special skill.  Here is his latest effort at stacking dishes. 

 

As you can see I have been training him and now he can stack three consecutive meals worth of dishes in one tray. With active encouragement he is now in training to represent Australia in the world dish stacking championships to be held on Tokyo this summer.

 

Stay Tuned for part two where we look at how to feed your pet teenager.