There's a fire in the house

A funny thing happened last night.  Funny looking back – not so funny at the time.

The power had been out all day and it was a balmy evening so we decided to cook on the barbecue until the power came back on.  The electricity people were fixing some poles but managed to dig up the council water mains (as you do) and were a bit slow getting the power back on.

Just after lighting the BBQ the power came back on.  Yay.  When dinner was nearly ready I wandered down to the bedroom to let dearly beloved who was with the baby know dinner would be ready soon.  Whilst down there she said can you smell something burning.  I, for a laugh said “Oh that’s just the house burning down”

Now here is a tip for the unwary – never joke about such.

On the way back outside through the kitchen I thought I would test the smell and see if there was any substance to the burning smell or if it was just BBQ smoke wafting through the house.  Of course I had a cold so I was a littler olfactory challenged at the time.

Through kitchen – Yes there is a burning smell that is not quite wood smoke.  Continue on outside – No its definitely stronger inside.

Return to kitchen – Check stove – Off, Check oven – off Check grill On – someone must have knocked it.

Now I will pause in the telling of the story here for a moment to give you the background to the next sequence of events.  I was unaware of this background at the time and it helps the story to tell it now as it explains what happened.

My dearly beloved, upon awakening in the morning decided to cook for brunch, bacon and eggs.  Eggs on the stove top and bacon in the grill.  Upon turning said cooking devices on she discovered the lack of energy to our residence was interfering with her plans for said brunch.  She turned the stove off – but not the grill.  During the day the grill door was closed.  When the power came back on the grill came back on and was heating up the grill tray which contained a quantity of bacon fat having not been cleaned by the elves since our last bacon cooking episode. Now back to the story.

Having discovered the grill was on – as indicated by the little light – I decided it must have been accidentally knocked on a smidgen during the days cleaning activities.  Having noticed a slight smell – I thought I would open the grill door to just check what it was that was burning.

Big Mistake.  At this point  in time the grill had been on for about 20 minutes and the bacon fat was well heated to smoking point but had no access to oxygen.  When I opened the door a huge plume of smoke poured out an oxygen poured in to the grill.  About one half of a second later the whole plate of bacon fat caught fire and leapt out the grill and started attacking the rubber seals on the oven and a couple of the kids paintings on the cabinets above the oven.

Brain kicked in and told me this was getting out of hand very quickly.  First reaction – call for help. Second reaction.  Hmmm need fire extinguisher said brain left.  Brain right says we don’t have one.  What do we have says left brain.  Fire blanket in laundry behind the mountain of plastic bags we are keeping.  Go grab fire blanket whilst continuing to yell for help.  Not sure what I need help for at this stage – just know this is getting out of hand.  Where the hell is this fire blanket and why on earth do we need so many plastic bags?

At this stage youngest son manages to peel himself away from computer games to see what dad is doing in the kitchen and why the house is now full of thick white smoke.  At this stage I should also mention the fire alarm decided to wake up and tell me something I already knew – the house is full of thick white smoke.

I used the fire blanket to smother the fire but it was still so hot that renegade flames still kept poking their head out from under the blanket to say hello.  All whilst still calling for help.  Finally at this stage with thick white smoke in the house, the fire alarm beeping continuously (rather annoyingly I must say), dad yelling for help and youngest son being very excited having seen a real live kitchen fire and demonstration of the use of a fire blanket, oldest son manages to pause his game long enough to  find his way to the kitchen.  I have decided at this stage that cause I can’t get the blanket all the way over the plate it needs to come out.  Luckily I have a pair of grandmas industrial grade oven mitts handy.  They don’t make them like that anymore. Eldest son – always cool in a crisis – says “what do you want me to do”.  I say open the front door – which he does whilst I carry tray out to the front lawn with occasional flames streaming from the plate when a waft of oxygen finds its way under the blanket.

Upon fulfilling his familial duties, eldest son then returns to his game amidst the house full of thick white smoke, annoyingly beeping smoke alarm, freaked out dad and excited younger brother.

He later would confide “Well I could see you had everything under control and there was nothing left for me to do”

Well the story ends here pretty much.  The fans were turned on and the building excavated for smoke.  i found out that eucalyptus oil can clean smoke and burn marks off a glass oven front really easily.  we need a new rubber for the grill.  I got a small burn to the forearm that should be right in a day or two.

The safety committee (beloved who stayed in bedroom throughout and eldest daughter who also stayed in room with earphones on) did a full review on the procedures in place and decided I should have just shut the grill door again.  Possibly they were right, but then there would be no flames and excitement to go with this story.